


Lists

by satansdattir



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: (that are never acted upon), A LOT of Angst, Alternate Universe, Angst, Anxiety, Autism, Bullying, Chatting & Messaging, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Intrusive Thoughts, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Ideation, Supportive and Loving Parents, Underage Drinking, a splash of iwaoi, the tags make it seem sadder than it is
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2018-11-19
Packaged: 2019-08-22 08:16:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16594214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/satansdattir/pseuds/satansdattir
Summary: This is a list over the things Kageyama Tobio are good at.1. Volleyball2. Cutting his own hair3. Making listsThis is a list over the things Kageyama Tobio are bad at.1. Making friends2. Being social3. Being normal-In which Kageyama moves to Miyagi before high school, has a horrible time at high school and survives by talking to the internet friends he has never met.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> an important thing to note:  
> autism is a spectrum, and as i only have experience with my own autism, kageyama's autism is a lot like mine. you may not relate, or you may relate a lot.  
> also, yes they are using discord and yes, you can pry autistic kageyama out of my cold dead hands.
> 
> im sorry for any mistakes, i am merely a fool.  
> bukknebb.tumblr.com

This is a list over Kageyama Tobios likes, in no particular order.

  1. Volleyball
  2. Milk
  3. Making lists
  4. His parents (?)



This is a list over Kageyama Tobios dislikes, in no particular order

  1. Change
  2. Studying
  3. Failing at volleyball related things
  4. His parents (?)



The reason for his parent’s spots on two contradictory lists was simple. He loved his parents, but his hate for change was greater than his love for anything. When his parents had announced that they were moving from his childhood home in Sapporo, to an insignificant, small town in Miyagi, his parents had been put on his list over dislikes too. He knew it was irrational, and that change was a natural part of life. That’s what his therapist had said. But even the thought of ripping out all of his routines from the ground by the root makes him uncomfortable, angry and scared. He’d even have to get a new therapist! What if there were no therapists in… He couldn’t even remember the name of the town. That’s how insignificant it was.

However, Kageyama wasn’t stupid. He knew that there was nothing he could do to change their minds. His father had gotten a job offer in Sendai he just couldn’t refuse, and with his mother’s love for small towns they had decided to settle in a town an hour away by train.

It was horrible, really.

-

 _Supersetter7:_ My parent’s just told me we’re moving to Miyagi.  
_Supersetter7:_ -___-

-

Kageyama had been an odd kid, he was told by his parents. He barely responded to his own name, he didn’t make eye contact, he didn’t use his hands to communicate, he didn’t babble and he sure as hell didn’t initiate hugs. When he didn’t even attempt talking at turned three years of age, his parents knew something was up. Luckily, his parents were both smart people and had taken him to a doctor. They were right in their assumption that something was up, and he’d been diagnosed with autism.

To Kageyama, it hadn’t made any difference at the time, not that he could remember. It made a lot of difference to his parents, though. They were relieved that they knew how to help him. It could never be cured – not that they wanted that – but they could help him cope and learn how to socialize and how to survive in the world.

However, the older Kageyama became, it made more and more difference.

Once he started elementary school he realized how different he was. Starting school with a ton of kids when he himself had the vocabulary of a three-year-old when he was six was hard. It was hard when he threw tantrums because of seemingly small and insignificant problems. It was hard when he made weird, repetitive motions. It was hard when he didn’t understand the make-believe games the other children played.

Despite being so young he knew they hated him

It started when they refused to let him play with them during recess because he was – in their words – _stupid._

It continued when the other children stole his stuff, knowing it would result in a meltdown.

It continued when Kageyama invited the whole class to his birthday party, and no one showed up.

It continued when the other children would rather get reprimanded than tell the teacher who gave Kageyama the bruises on his body.

It was driven home when one of his classmates invited everyone to his birthday, except for him.

So he gave up trying to be their friend.

It was a lonely existence.

-

 _big cat:_ wow, an emoji. you must hate miyagi lmao  
sugar cube: ah, really? i live in Miyagi. a lot of people here do, actually!!  
_Sawamura:_ I do too.  
orang birb: woahhhh!!!!!  
_sugar cube:_ do you know where?  
_Supersetter7:_ I can’t remember. Sorry.  
_Supersetter7_ : It’s an hour away from Sendai.  
_orang birb:_ I LIVE AN HOUR AWAY FROM SEWNDAI!!!!  
_sugar cube:_ maybe we’ll meet in a tournament?  
_Supersetter7:_ Maybe.

-

When Kageyama was eight years old, he had walked into the living room. His father was watching a sports match. He wasn’t sure what sport it was, but it was entrancing. He stood there and watched. When he turned to his father, his father had a soft smile.  
“Dad, what’s that?”  
“It’s volleyball. I could teach you some,”  
A rare smile appeared on his face as he nodded fervently.  
“Yes, please!”

Within months he knew everything that was worth knowing about the national volleyball team, he was quickly becoming better and better, and he had even shown interest in joining a team.

It was a massive success, both for him and his parents.

-

There was a limit to how much his parents wanted to listen to him talk about volleyball, he learned.

He was fourteen when he started looking for someone to talk about volleyball with.

His middle school experience hadn’t really differed a lot from elementary school. People had of course stopped openly bullying him, because they were more mature. This didn’t mean he was less lonely. People remembered how he had been in elementary school, even though he had worked hard to fit in with the other kids. He didn’t dare reaching out, in fear of being ridiculed, and no one reached out because he was weird.

He had one thing now, that he didn’t in elementary school, though. A volleyball team!

He was on his middle school team, but none of them were as invested in what was objectively the best sport in the world. Some of them even skipped practice! Besides, they didn’t really like him. They thought he was weird, mostly for the same reasons at everyone else. Whatever, he could learn how to play volleyball without them. His coach said he had a lot of talent, and that he could probably go pro, but he would have to go to a high school with a good volleyball program, because his middle school really didn’t care about volleyball. They didn’t even go to tournaments. Most of the funding went to the baseball team. Because of this, Kageyama strongly disliked baseball.

Because of his teammates almost non-existent interest for volleyball – which was weird, considering they were volleyball players – the solution to his problem of needing someone to talk about volleyball to was the internet! It turned out to be a lot of volleyball fans on the internet. From all over the world. He’d even joined a _Japanese_ group chat that was linked to one of the sites he’d found! It had taken him time, but he had gathered the nerve to send a message to the group chat.

 _Supersetter7:_ Hello, volleyball fans. What is the optimal way of learning how to jump serve?

Immideatly after sending the message, he closed the tab, his chest filling with anxiety. It was stupid and irrational. The worst case scenario was that no one would answer, and then he could just leave the group chat and never return. He spent five minutes agonizing and trying to ignore his anxieties before he opened a new tab and entered in the address of the website.

 _sugar cube:_ @big cat @big cat  
_sugar cube:_ i’m not good at jump serves but @big cat is  
_big cat:_ you have to jump, I guess. its kinda hard to explain over text  
_orang birb:_ i dont even know how to serve a normal serve ……. !!  
_Supersetter7:_ Yes, I concluded that one has to jump to do a jump serve.  
_Supersetter7:_ How do you not know how to serve?  
_sugar cube:_ are u a setter, @Supersetter7?  
_Supersetter7:_ Yes, and I’m good at it.  
_orang birb:_ i just suck at it. B U TY i am practicing to become good at serving!!!!!  
_big cat:_ aha. whats with the seven?  
_Supersetter7:_ I have met seven cats in my life.  
_sugar cube:_??? you’ve met seven cats in your entire life  
_big cat:_ that’s not a lot. did you pet them  
_Supersetter7:_ No. Cats don’t like me. _  
Supersetter7:_ What position do you play?

-

 _orang birb:_ [image]  
_orang birb:_ [image]  
_orang birb:_ [image]  
_orang birb:_ [image]  
_orang birb:_ [image]  
_orang birb:_ [image]  
_orang birb:_ [image]  
_orang birb:_ [image]  
_orang birb:_ this is my cat inu!!! she is very cute!!  
_orang birb:_ now uve met  8 (!) cats  
_Supersetter7:_ Your cat is named Inu? That’s dumb.  
_orang birb:_ it was my little sisters idea!!!!!!! nt mine  
_orang birb:_ u have to change ur nick to supersetter8  
_Supersetter7:_ I haven’t met her. I’ve only seen pictures of her.  
_orang birb:_ ok then,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, dumbass.

-

Kageyama liked talking to the people in the chat. He wouldn’t deem them friends per se, but they were as close as he’d ever get. They didn’t talk as much about volleyball as he would like, but he supposed it was normal. Granted, if Kageyama could decide everybody would be talking about volleyball constantly.

Middle school graduation came and went, and with that came the inevitable relocation from Sapporo to the Insignificant Town, and with that came an entirely new high school, in an entirely new town.

Aoba Johsai High School towered in front of him.

He nervously gripped his messenger bag as he looked around. People were walking together in groups, probably with their friends from middle school. They were headed to the school gym, to partake in a welcoming ceremony, so he followed. When he got there he found a seat in the back, and made sure to have at least one seat between him and the person closest to him.

He zoned out, even though he was probably missing out on a lot of important information, but everything stressed him. The people. The noise. The new place. The people.  
His anxiety sat in his throat and felt like it was of the size of a tennis ball. He was so, so close to snapping.

So zoning out was better.

After the ceremony was over, they were divided into classes and off they went to their classrooms, where more information was shared by their homeroom teacher. His teacher seemed like a nice lady, just out of university. Enthusiastic. Kind off pretty, maybe, with bangs and shoulder length black hair.  
“Enough about the school. I want to know you. I want each and one of you to give a short introduction, name, where you’re from and an interest? And we’ll start over here.” She said, pointing to the guy by the door. That was far enough away for him to prepare what to say.

Maybe a little too much time.

By the time they were halfway to him, he’d started stressing about what he was going to say being stupid, the possibility of him stuttering or otherwise messing up, or him forgetting what to say. His foot was jiggling under the table like crazy. When they reached him, he stood up a bit too quickly, and said “K-Kageyama Tobio, Sapporo, I like volleyball,” before sitting down.

The introductions were obviously not enough. The teacher wanted them to go into groups and do some of those dumb ice breaker games. He hated it so much. He barely participated, but he tried at least.

When the bell rang for lunch, he was stopped by the door by his teacher calling out his name. He sighed. He had really hoped he would get out by now. He turned to look at her, and she beckoned him over. “Kageyama-kun,” she started, looking around to see if everyone had left. “I know it can be hard with a new place for someone with your… Condition. I want you to know that you can always come to me if there’s something bothering you. Or the school psychiatrist. Okay?” He nodded, and walked out of the room.

He found a secluded place by a tree for his lunch. His mother had packed him a bento box with a little post-it note that said _Good luck!_ He started eating, enjoying the much wanted peace and quiet. It was quickly destroyed by a shadow appearing in front of him. He looked up to see two boys, one with middle parted hair and one with hair styled to stand straight up. He vaguely recognized them from his class.

“Do you want to eat lunch with us?” the one with the middle parted hair asked.  
_Not particularly_ , he thought. “Okay,” he said instead.

They sat down beside him and started eating, the three of them falling into silence.  
“I’m Kindaichi, and this is Kunimi,” the one with the weird hair said as he gestured to Kunimi.  
“Kageyama,” he answered curtly.  
“We know. Are you going to try out for the volleyball team? It’s a really good team, so it’s hard to get into. The third year setter is crazy good.”  
“I’m a good player, so I know I’ll get in.” At this, Kindaichi raised his brows and looked at him.  
“Huh. What position do you play?”  
“Setter. What about you?” he said, as he looked up from his bento box and over at the two others.  
“I’m a middle blocker. Kunimi is a wing spiker.” Kunimi nodded as to confirm the statement.  
“Cool. Then I can toss to you.”  
“I suppose you can,” he smiled. The conversation continued, mainly between Kunimi and Kindaichi, but Kageyama was just glad that someone had actually sat with him and talked to him.

-

This is a list over people Kageyama Tobio like, in increasing order

     3. Dairy farmers  
     2. His parents  
     1. Oikawa Tooru

He had arrived to volleyball tryouts along with the two other first years. They had seemed to know many of the people already there, and had greeted them accordingly. When Kunimi saw his mildly confused face he explained: “We went to middle school with a lot of them.” Kageyama nodded understandingly, and continued looking around in the gym. It was huge, a lot bigger than his old middle school gym. There were also many more people. But, applying what he knew about this high school – that it was a volleyball powerhouse – he imagined that everyone on the team cared about volleyball as much as him. It made him giddy, knowing that he finally was with someone who loved the sport and actually wanted to play and talk about it.

_WHAM!_

A volleyball slammed down on the court in front of them. He looked over at the other side, to see a boy grinning with his hands on his hips, and a serious looking boy. The first one had dark brown hair that looked perfectly styled, and the other had short, spiky, black hair. He supposed the one with the perfect hair was the crazy good setter, and the other had to be the ace.

“Hello!” the setter sang “I’m Oikawa Tooru, setter and captain of the team,” he nudged the other one, “Iwa-chan, introduce yourself.”  
“Iwaizumi Hajime, vice-captain and ace.”  
“And welcome to Aoba Johsai Volleyball Club!” Oikawa cheered. “We want you to know that this is serious business, and we will not be accepting people who don’t take this seriously and only joins because it seems fun. Volleyball _is_ fun, but it is also a matter of life and death!”  
Iwaizumi smacked his head, “Shut up, dumbass! It’s not a matter of life and death,” he paused for a moment, “But we do take it seriously.”

Kageyama’s heart was singing. He thought he would never meet someone who cared as much about volleyball as him, but here he was – right in front of him. Oikawa Tooru had said that volleyball was a matter of life and death, and Kageyama could nothing but wholeheartedly agree. Some of the people around him looked kind of unsure, like their heart really wasn’t in it as much as he thought.

He'd fit right in.

-

 _Supersetter7:_ My new school has a good volleyball team.  
_Supersetter7:_!  
_sugar cube:_ aw that’s good to hear!  
_orang birb:_ r the players all fwah and gwah?!?!?!  
_Supersetter7:_ Dumbass, what does that even mean?  
_orang birb:_ it means fwah and gwah  
_orang birb_ : can u not read???  
_Supersetter7:_ Can you not write a coherent sentence?  
_orang birb:_ big words coming from someone who doesn’t even know what aa mithrocondria is  
_Supersetter7:_ I do not care about science, I only care about volleyball.  
_orang birb:_ nerd.  
_sugar cube:_ -___-  
_orang birb:_ sorry !!!!  
_Supersetter7:_ Sorry.

-

Practice was grueling.

He never thought he would say it. But it really, really was. They were only two weeks into the school year and practice, but he was tired to the bone. Coach Irihata was relentless, but it’s because he wants them to become the best. He went a little easier on the first years, though, and this was why Kageyama sat on the bench with Kunimi and Kindaichi drinking water. They were talking about something. English, maybe?

Kageyama on the other hand, was busy watching Oikawa and Iwaizumi doing spikes. Everything seemed so effortless. Oikawa’s tosses seemed to find their way to Iwaizumi so easily, like they were meant for him, and him only. He was impressive in other respects, too. His jump serve had him shaken to the core. When he jumped, he looked like he was flying. The ball always slammed into the ground with a loud wham.

There was nothing he wanted more than to learn how to jump serve.

“Hey, Kageyama. You’re staring,” Kindaichi says as he nudges him in the side with his elbow.  
“Oikawa-san is really good,” he says absently, instead of replying with an actual answer. “I want to learn his jump serve.”  
“Well, then you should ask,” Kindaichi smiles encouragingly. “No harm in that, right? He’ll probably be super flattered too. He loves attention, y’know,”  
It was true. Oikawa really did love attention, at least as Kageyama noticed. He always had a girlfriend, he loved being taken pictures of, he always talked to people, whether it be about himself or something else.  
“Iwaizumi is good, too,” Kindaichi mused while following Iwaizumi with his gaze. His spiking form was exemplary, and could probably even be used in tutorials online. Kageyama hummed in agreement. He looked at the watch over the door that had been caged in to avoid stray balls ruining it. Thirty minutes left of practice. The first years’ pause would probably end soon, and when practice ended Kageyama was going to do two things:

    1. Practice some more
    2. Ask Oikawa to teach him his jump serve



The two things went hand in hand, at least a little bit.

When practice ended he stayed around, practicing his tosses while waiting for the rest of the team to filter out. When the gym was empty, save for him, Oikawa and Iwaizumi he went up to Oikawa with a ball in his hands and looked him in the face.

“Oikawa-senpai, can you please teach me how to do a jump serve?” He bowed deeply, scrunching his eyes together. He heard Oikawa take a deep breath.  
“No way, I’m…” he started, before being interrupted by Iwaizumi barking his name. Kageyama straightened and looked at Oikawa, who rolled his eyes. “Not right now, I’m busy, Tobio-chan!” Kageyama nodded. Not right now wasn’t a _no_. It was a _maybe later_ at best. He turned to continue practicing.

He’d just have to continue asking.

-

Kageyama rarely gave up. He was relentless.

This led to a number of thing, but the most pressing matter was that Oikawa’s _‘maybe later’_ had evolved to curt ‘ _no_ ’s and ‘ _moron, I don’t wanna’_ s. However, as mentioned earlier, Kageyama didn’t give up. So Oikawa’s whining ‘ _no’_ s that sounded like jokes to him wouldn’t stop him from trying to learn.

Especially since today was a good, good day. Kageyama had played in a match! Granted, his tosses were nothing like Oikawa’s, and his serves were okay plus. But he had played. That was all that mattered. With his newfound confidence in his abilities, there was a spring in his step as he walked towards Oikawa.

Kageyama had done his routine – it had become a routine at this point, a month of doing something led to that – wait for everyone to leave, practice and ask Oikawa to teach him.

Oikawa’s gaze was empty as he looked at Kageyama. “Why would I help someone who will be a threat in the future?” Kageyama blinked confused at him. A threat? Oikawa considered him a threat?  
“I don’t know…” he answered honestly, confusion evident in his voice. “Can you please teach me how to do a jump serve?” he asked again.

_SMACK!_

The ball had dropped out of his hand, and now it rolled away from them. Oikawa had just hit him. Or, slapped him. Iwaizumi was upon them the moment he sensed Oikawa would lash out, but he had been too late. This resulted in a red mark on Kageyama’s cheek, and a wide eyed look of realization on Oikawa’s face.

This wasn’t the first time Kageyama had been hit. He had been hit many times before, in fact. A young Kageyama with bruises on his body wasn’t a rare sight. The amount of times he had come home on the verge of tears couldn’t be counted. The amount of times he’d cried in his father’s lap as his mother cleaned his wounds was innumerable. The amount of times his mother had fruitlessly tried to talk to the school administration about Kageyama being beat up was too high a number.

It hurt a lot more now, though. The one who had hit him wasn’t some classmate that hated him for being different and dumb. The one who had hit him was Oikawa. His senpai. He was supposed to guide him, be his friend. Not hit him.

“I think you should leave,” Iwaizumi said to Kageyama, who just nodded. _So do I,_ he thought. He touched his cheek as he walked towards the club room, dazed and distracted.

As he walked home, he contemplated what had happened. He knew he had crossed a line, this was evident. And Oikawa had told him _no_ many times, so really, it was Kageyama’s fault. Maybe slapping him was kind of overreacting, but… It got the message across.

-

 _Supersetter7_ : Suga-san, I am very sorry to bother you, but what does it mean when your senpai hits you?  
_sugar cube:_ i’m sorry?? your senpai hit you?  
_sugar cube_ : are you being bullied?  
_Supersetter7:_ Yes, he hit me. No, I am not being bullied at the moment.  
_sugar cube:_ at the moment?? are you implying you have been bullied?  
_Suppersetter7:_ Yes.  
_sugar cube:_ : (  
_sugar cube:_ why did he hit you?  
_Supersetter7:_ Because I asked him to show me how to do a jump serve.  
_sugar cube:_ that seems like a slight overreaction but ok  
_Supersetter7:_ I have asked him a lot. When I asked today he said that he didn’t want to teach someone who would become a threat later on.  
_sugar cube:_ how much have you asked him?  
_Supersetter7:_ At least once a day.  
_sugar cube:_ hm  
_sugar cube:_ that may seem like nagging to a lot of people. i don’t like that he hit you, but maybe you should just leave him alone for some time?  
_Supersetter7:_ It was more of a slap. But all right, I will leave him alone.

-

This is a list over people Kageyama Tobio likes, in increasing order.

     4. Dairy farmers  
     3. Kindaichi Yuutaro and Kunimi Akira  
     2. His parents  
     1. Iwaizumi Hajime

Please note that Oikawa Tooru has been replaced by Iwaizumi Hajime.

There were several reasons for this.  
The first being The Slap, obviously.  
The second being that after The Slap, Oikawa had started acting… More childish around Kageyama. He called him idiot a lot. He called him Tobio-chan almost all the time.  
The third being that it was a necessity. Kageyama had to leave him alone, ergo he had to not like him anymore. You wouldn’t want to spend time with someone you don’t like. Even though Oikawa’s place as favourite person had been revoked, Kageyama still greatly respected him and thought that he was one of the best volleyball players he had ever witnessed. It was a necessity.  
The fourth and final reason was that after The Slap, Iwaizumi Hajime – now reigning champion of Kageyama’s list over people he likes – had started treating him kindly. Iwaizumi would teach him stuff here and there, and he would cheer for him when he did something good, and he would occasionally treat him to popsicles.

Kageyama mulled over this while staring out of the window during class. The third year class Oikawa and Iwaizumi was in had gym outside in the sun. They seemed to be on a water break, and they were joking around with some of their classmates. They seemed really happy. Kageyama wondered how such a nice guy could be friends with such an insufferable guy as Oikawa. Proximity, he supposed. Or maybe Oikawa was nice when he was little. When their break was over, Kageyama couldn’t stop staring at Iwaizumi. He was so… Sporty. Athletic. He wasn’t on good at volleyball, he seemed to be good at all sports. The sport they were playing now was obviously not volleyball - it was football - but Iwaizumi managed to excel in it.

Come lunch, he was seated Kindaichi and Kunimi. He liked them. They liked volleyball and were somewhat good at it, and they weren’t mean. All good in his book.

“Hey, Kageyama. Why did you stop asking Oikawa to teach you his jump serve?” Kunimi asked while looking curiously at Kageyama.  
“He asked me to stop.” It wasn’t technically a lie, but it wasn’t technically the truth.  
“Really? And you stopped? Sorry, but that doesn’t seem like something you’d do.”  
Kageyama just shrugged. “It’s okay. I learn by looking at him.”

-

A surprising turn of events: Kageyama being invited to a party.

An actual, real life high school party. With alcohol. And people. And music. And sex. And people. So many people. At first, he refused. Parties were everything he loathed packed into one, horrifying night. But the trait Kindaichi and Kageyama shared was their relentless stubbornness, and when he said that he really wanted Kageyama to be there, he felt a twisting in his gut. No one had ever wanted him to be with them before. So he said yes.

He was not entirely sure who the host was, but Kindaichi assured him he would introduce them. He was a friend of Kindaichi, and he had said yes to Kindaichi bringing someone – that being Kageyama.

When the afternoon of the day the party was going to be held came, he was stressing a little bit about what to wear, because you couldn’t wear athletic clothing to a party, and stressing a lot about the party itself.

 _Supersetter7:_ Hello, what are you supposed to wear at a party?  
_big cat_ : depends. is it a house party?  
_Supersetter7:_ Yes, it is.  
_big cat:_ aha. just casual clothing.  
_Supersetter7:_ What does that entail?  
_orang birb:_ ooouououhhh setter-san is going to a party!!  
_orang birb:_ is it a real party with alcohol and girls?  
_big cat:_ uhh, jeans, a nice sweater or hoodie, some fun socks?  
_Supersetter7:_ Thank you for your help. I think I have a pair of fun socks.  
_Supersetter7:_ Yes, @orang birb. It is a real party with alcohol and girls.  
_orang birb:_ AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

He rolled his eyes and locked his phone. Fun socks. A hoodie. Jeans. He could do that. Minutes later he was wearing black jeans, a red hoodie and a pair of socks with volleyballs on that he’d gotten for Christmas from his mum last year. With this he deemed himself ready for the party.

Armed with a few cans of beer stolen from his parents, he made his way to the convenience store Kageyama, Kindaichi and Kunimi had agreed to meet, and together they made their way to the party. He was told a little about the host, Kataoka Yuji. He was on the football team, liked math and hip hop music. Kageyama liked math. Not as much as volleyball, but it wasn’t his worst subject. He supposed they could talk about math, but when he said that he was told that you couldn’t discuss math at a party. So he didn’t really have anything to discuss with the host, and so he was confused as to what he was supposed to talk about. The conversation flowed freely between the three of them… Well, mostly Kunimi and Kindaichi. Kageyama was busy internally freaking out. He could feel his heartbeat going a hundred miles a minute.

It only got worse when they arrived at the house. It felt as if his heart would thump out of his chest as Kindaichi opened the door and entered the house and shouted a greeting into the house. A boy about their age got up from the sofa and walked towards them and smiled broadly in greeting.

Kageyama repressed the feeling of wanting to run away. He repressed the feeling of wanting to scream. He repressed the feeling of wanting to pick away his nails. He repressed the feeling of wanting to climb up on the roof and throw himself off from it.

He was nudged in the side by an elbow, presumably Kindaichi. “You all right, Kageyama?”  
He took a deep breath and looked at the boy in front of him. “Yeah. Hi. Sorry. I’m Kageyama,” he waved at the boy, but didn’t offer a smile. Him smiling would probably just make things even worse.  
“I’m Kataoka Yuji, nice to meet you. Welcome,” he gestured for them to come inside, and that they did. They got themselves seated in the sofa, and Kindaichi and Kunimi immediately joined the conversation.

Kageyama didn’t. He’d heard somewhere that alcohol would make you more at ease in social situations, so he cracked one of the beer cans open and started drinking, trying to avoid eye contact with anyone. His foot was jiggling, and in his brain somewhere he was aware that he was bothering people with it, but he didn’t care. He felt the sofa dip beside him, and when he looked to his right to see who had dared to impose on his panic induced drinking it was the blessed sight of Iwaizumi Hajime.  
“Hey, Kageyama,” he said and smiled reassuringly.  
“H-hey,” he muttered, tightening his grip around the can.  
“Your first party?” When Kageyama nodded, he hummed in understanding. “I think it’s really fun. A chance to let loose and not care.”  
“Is Oikawa here too?” At this Iwaizumi scoffed, and Kageyama shrunk a little bit on himself.  
“Don’t care about him. He’s just afraid and dumb. Just try to enjoy the night, yeah?” He got up from the sofa, and ruffled his hair before going over to some friends.

-

These two things had increased as the night went on:

    1. The amount of beer Kageyama drunk
    2. The amount of people in the house



The beer really didn’t do much to quell his anxieties, so right now he sat outside on the back porch with his head on the table. He was possibly a little too drunk, and Kindaichi and Kunimi had disappeared a long time ago, doing god knows what. When the air inside had become suffocating and the voices of the people at the party had seemed like a wave that drowned him he had to step out. Relax a little bit. Sober up. Contemplate on how the fuck he was supposed to get home.

Suddenly, a water bottle was placed in front of him. He looked up at the person who had placed it there. Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi with his amazing spiking form, his wise and encouraging words, his buff arms, his good grades, his nice smile, and his bi-

“Drink up. You seem a little too drunk.”  
He almost gulped down the entire water bottle in one go. “That’s true. I am really druuuunk.”  
He heard Iwaizumi laugh above him. “How ‘bout we get you home? How did you even get here?”  
“I walked with Ki-Kindaichi and Kunimi. I dunno where they are now.” Iwaizumi hummed. It was silent for a while. “I can walk you home.”  
“You’d do that for mee?”  
“Of course I would. Come, now.”  
He helped Kageyama get up on his feet, checked if Kageyama had his phone, wallet, keys and backpack, and off they went. Kageyama leaned heavily on Iwaizumi, talking the whole way through, mostly about volleyball. “I’ve never heard you talk this much,” Iwaizumi said during a lull in the conversation. Kageyama laughed and looked up at him. “D’you wanna know a secret?” he asked, a dumb grin on his face.  
“That depends. Is it your secret?”  
“Yeah, and nobody knows about it,” he stopped walking, and tried to straighten so he could look Iwaizumi in the eyes. When he lost his balance even doing this, Iwaizumi gripped his arm to prevent him from falling. “Yeah. What is it?”  
“I’m autistic. That’s why I don’t talk so much. Don’t like it. It’s super dumb to talk,” he said seriously, looking at Iwaizumi.  
“Aha. That explains a lot, I guess. Come on now, let’s continue home.”  
“Okay, Iwaizumi-senpai!”

-

 _Supersetter7:_ Helllo volleyballers Ihave a dilemma  
_Supersetter7:_ problem  
_Supersetter7:_ Iam in lobe  
_orang birb:_ r u drunk :0  
_Supersetter7:_ YRS!  
_Supersetter7:_ And im love  
_sugar cube:_ that’s good to hear! wanna tell us who it is?  
_Supersetter7:_ The vice captaim og our team  
_Supersetter7:_ Hes so hot and hes so nice to me  
_sugar cube:_ he sounds very sweet  
_Supersetter7:_ Iim so gay  
_sugar cube:_ me to, buddy  
_sugar cube:_ try to get some sleep, okay?  
_Supersetter7:_ ok <3 <3  
_orang birb:_ an emoji!!!!!!!!!!!!1 :0000

-

 _sugar cube:_ hey, i don’t know how much of this you’ll remember tomorrow morning, but if you’re ever wondering about anything in relation to being gay and on the volleyball team ( and possibly in a relationship with a teammate ;D ) you can just ask me. me and sawamura have been dating for one and a half years now, and we’re both on the same team. don’t be shy. Good luck <3

-

When Kageyama awoke the next day he felt like he’d walked to hell and back. He was exhausted, his head hurt, and his mouth felt dry and disgusting. This, however, did not the sinking feeling in his stomach when he realized what he’d said yesterday. He hid his face in his hands in shame and groaned.

“Hey, honey,” he heard from his door opening. He looked up and saw his mum standing there with her arms crossed over her chest, “Did someone drink a little too much yesterday?” she teased.  
She entered his room, and sat down at the edge of his bed. She stroked his hair reassuringly. “You know, me and your dad won’t be mad if you drink. But that does mean you have to drink responsibly, and not steal our beer. You were lucky Iwaizumi-san could walk you home.” He huffed, and looked at his mum, pouting. “And if you ever do exceed your limits, just call me or your dad, okay? We’ll come get you. We’re just happy that you’re socializing.” He nodded, and took her hand to hold it.  
“I told Iwaizumi-san. About… The whole autism thing,” he said carefully, while examining her hand. Her nails were a bit long.  
“Oh, really? What did he say?”  
“He just said that it explained a lot. Do you want me to fix your nails?”  
She hummed and looked down at him. “I’d love that. Come down when you’re feeling better, okay? Try to sleep,” with that she got up and walked out of the room.

That went significantly better than he thought it would. He had never really discussed alcohol with his parents, so he thought they would be angrier. Now he just had to do damage control on everything else.

He unlocked his phone, and when he read the message he had gotten from Suga-san, he smiled. He was so thoughtful. Carefully, he started crafting a reply.

 _Supersetter7:_ Hello. I don’t remember that much, but I do remember that I told you. I don’t think I realized I like him before yesterday. He took care of me and walked me home. He is really handsome. I’ve never had a crush before, so I’m surprised. Thank you for thinking about me, I will ask if there is something.

One down, one to go.

He hadn’t received any messages from Iwaizumi, and he was unsure if that was a good sign or a bad sign.

 _To: Iwaizumi Hajime_  
10:27  
Hello. I am sorry for anything I said yesterday, and I would greatly appreciate it if what I said could remain between us.  
Kageyama

Now he just had to wait. Before he knew, he’d fallen asleep again, and he awoke two hours later, feeling much better. He got up from the bed and put on some clothes, before going downstairs to the kitchen. There were no one in the kitchen, but he could hear sounds from the living room, indicating that his parents were watching TV. He poured himself a bowl of cereal, before going into the living room and sitting down in the sofa between his parents.

“What are you watching?” he asked in between bites.  
“Don’t speak with food in your mouth,” his mum scolded. Kageyama just rolled his eyes. “We’re watching a movie. How are you feeling?”  
“A lot better. I texted Iwaizumi and asked if he could not tell anyone,” he said.  
“Iwaizumi-san seems like a nice guy, I’m sure he’ll do that,” his father said. “But you don’t have to be ashamed of it. It’s what makes you _you._ ”  
Kageyama scoffed, “Whatever,” he said and got up to put the bowl in the dishwasher. He felt his phone vibrate against his thigh, and when he looked at the phone he saw that Iwaizumi had answered.

 _From: Iwaizumi Hajime_  
12:43  
I won’t tell. Don’t worry. You feeling good? You were out of it yesterday.

He smiled at his phone, his gut filling with butterflies. He really was sweet.

 _To: Iwaizumi Hajime_  
12:45  
Hello. Thank you. I feel good. Thank you for taking care of me yesterday.  
Kageyama

 _From: Iwaizumi Hajime_  
12:46  
You know you don’t have to sign your name when you’re texting right?

 _To: Iwaizumi Hajime_  
12:47  
It is a good habit to have.  
Kageyama

 _From: Iwaizumi Hajime_  
12:47  
lol

-

The school year sprinted past. He spent a lot of time with Kindaichi and Kunimi, sometimes practicing, sometimes being tutored by them, and sometimes just hanging out, playing games and joking around. Kageyama almost dared call them his friends.

The mildly uncomfortable but very enjoyable knot in his tummy when he saw Iwaizumi continued growing. He relished in the little conversations they had. He’s spent several nights thinking about Iwaizumi. The one time Iwaizumi was absent from practice because of a small cold, he actually, unironically thought ‘ _What is the point of living without Iwaizumi?’._

In other words, he was in too deep.

Confessing was pointless. Iwaizumi was most likely straight, and even if he wasn’t, he would probably have a boyfriend already. Not to forget that Iwaizumi was graduating soon, and with that came university, moving away and probably getting a girlfriend.

He reflected over this as he walked from the gymnasium to the club room. He’d stayed late practicing, even later than Iwaizumi and Oikawa, who had disappeared half an hour ago, leaving him to clean up alone.

What he witnessed when he opened the door to the club room wasn’t scandalous per se, but it was rather shocking to him personally. Oikawa sat at the bench in the middle of the room, with his leg stretched out in front of him. Iwaizumi sat in front of him, massaging his knee. _His bad knee_ , Kageyama realized. He’d picked up from Iwaizumi that Oikawa had a bad knee due to over-extortion, which had later been confirmed by Kunimi and Kindaichi.

“… I care about you, Tooru. Don’t be so hard on yourself, ‘kay?” Iwaizumi said. He got up to place a peck on Oikawa’s mouth. “I love you.” Oikawa smiled gently, and burrowed his face into Iwaizumi’s chest.  
“I love you too, Iwa-chan.”

It was such a tender moment, it almost felt perverse to be watching. Kageyama slowly retreated and closed the door silently, pondering on what to do for a moment. Well, it turned out that Iwaizumi wasn’t straight. However, his second assumption that he had a boyfriend had turned out to be correct. So he wasn’t available anyway. It was bitter, but it would make it easier to get over him.

The door behind him opened.

“Ah, Kageyama. You’re here?” Iwaizumi asked, somewhat surprised. Kageyama had turned to look at the door when the door opened, so right at that moment he just looked dumbly at Iwaizumi.  
“I’m gay?” he blurted. He blinked. Wait. He wasn’t supposed to tell him that. He blushed almost scarlet as he looked at Iwaizumi’s shocked and confused face. “Sorry. I wasn’t gonna… Say that.” Iwaizumi just hummed.  
“Did you see me and Oikawa in there?” he asked, crossing his arms over his chest. When Kageyama only nodded, he narrowed his eyes. “You can’t tell anyone about what you saw in there. We value our privacy,” Kageyama looked scared up at Iwaizumi.  
“Of course! I would never do that.”  
“Good. Now go get changed. It’s getting late.” Kageyama nodded and hurried inside. He was so busy looking at his own feet he almost ran into Oikawa. He made a small sound of mild distress and continued towards his locker, narrowly escaping Oikawa’s wrath when Iwaizumi called for him.

 _That was… Something,_ he solemnly thought.

-

When the third years graduated there were a lot of tears. None spilt by him.

They had arranged a little get together in their gym, and when the third years entered and saw the balloons hung up and the cake made by the first and second years, Oikawa promptly burst into tears. He sniffled as he ate his piece of cake, and talked about how much he loved his _‘precious little kouhai’._

After that they played a small game, third years versus first and second years, in which the third years promptly beat them to the ground. Kageyama swore he could see the shine of tears in Iwaizumi’s eyes.

When the last practice with the third years ended and spring vacation officially starting, it really hit him. He had survived his first year of high school, and he had survived without being bullied, ostracized or made fun of. Not counting Oikawa of course, because he was a dumbass. He had even made friends. He walked up to Iwaizumi, who was currently consoling a sniffling Kindaichi. One would almost believe that Kindaichi also had a crush on him. Kindaichi walked away after a while, and that left Kageyama and Iwaizumi alone – well, partly alone.  
“You can hug me,” Kageyama informed, “In case you want to.”  
Iwaizumi smiled. Kageyama really loved that smile. It was small, like it was a secret between the two of them. He opened his arms and enveloped Kageyama in a hug.  
“I’ll miss you, Kageyama,” he pulled away and looked at him. “You’ll become an Olympian before you even know it. And you can always call me if you’re wondering about something, ‘kay?” He ruffled his hair, “Win nationals for me.” With this he turned away to walk over to Oikawa, leaving Kageyama alone.

He’d miss him, too.

-

During spring break, Kageyama spent most of the time practicing.

The overwhelming majority, at least.

Sometimes Kindachi and Kunimi would join, and he’d try out some new tosses he had tried to learn. Sometimes the three of them would just relax and have fun. They went to a beach one day to go swimming, under the strict pretense that no volleyball was to occur. Sometimes they’d all be invited to parties. Kageyama was sure they were all pity or courtesy invites, so he rarely went. That, and all the people. But at least he was invited, that in itself was a step forward.

But most of the time he practiced. He had really taken the comment about becoming an Olympian to heart. He wanted to become the best, to wow the entire world with his volleyball skills.

He practiced a lot.

Coach Irihata smiled approvingly at him when school started again, with the third years gone and a pile of new first years who had to be taught the ropes. Coach told him that he was going to be the _starting setter_.

It was exhilarating, but terrifying. He had big shoes to fill. Not only was Oikawa a good volleyball player, in the sense of him being good at the game itself, but he was also excellent at knowing the team and keeping them together. He excelled in his role as the control tower of his team.

Kageyama had to be as good – if not better.

The only way to get better was to practice.

It felt so good to be praised by the coach and his friends. It felt so good to see the look of awe the first years had when they saw him play. His chest almost burst with joy when his coach smiled at the three of them after a particularly hard and _amazing_ play. Kunimi had set the ball to Kageyama, who acted as if he was going to spike it, but instead he tossed it to Kindaichi, who sent it into the other side of the court with a satisfying slam.  
“Good job. Kageyama, continue like this and you’ll become a right king of the court, with Kunimi and Kindaichi as your knights.”  
Kageyama thought that the analogy was absurd, but it made him so happy that he smiled. It was tiny and wobbly, but it was there.

After practice the three of them sat in Kageyama’s bedroom. His mum was very ok with him randomly getting guests, she was just happy that her son was finally having _friends_ over. They laughed at the thing coach Irihata had said, about him being a king. It was such a weird thing to say, it sounded so… Old fashioned.

Kageyama felt warm. He really enjoyed the company of Kindaichi and Kunimi.

-

For a long time in the beginning he practiced with Kindaichi and Kunimi. They’d spend mostly as much time after practice with him, maybe leaving a bit before. After a while they start leaving with the others, and it frustrated Kageyama beyond any rational thought, because they had all the potential in the world to become the best volleyball players in the world, if they just put some effort in it.

During one of the rare times the other two stayed after to practice with them, Kunimi missed a toss and Kageyama turned to look at him, “It’s not that hard. I know you can do better. Try,” he said gruffly, grimacing at how it sounded. He hadn’t meant for it to sound so… Mean.

But he caught a flash of emotion in Kunimi’s eyes, and he couldn’t place it. Hurt? Betrayal? Constipation? He really didn’t know. Kageyama almost always had problems with reading people, but reading Kunimi was even more of a challenge. Guessing his feelings was mostly just throwing spaghetti at a wall and hope that something sticks.

Kunimi just rolled his eyes and muttered a “Whatever,” before he turned and went to pack his things. Kageyama bit into his lip, wondering if he should say something, or apologize but before he could say anything Kunimi was gone, and he’d taken Kindaichi with him.

After that, they stopped practicing with him altogether.

It would be okay if practice was the only thing they dropped, but more often than not he’d see them hurry out of the classroom just as the bell rang, not even looking at Kageyama. Their groupchat died a slow death, first with the two of them only answering with one word sentences and vague ‘ _maybe’_ s, and then outright ignoring him. Kageyama left the groupchat after four unanswered messages. During one of the team practices he hears them planning to go eat ramen together afterwards at the same shop they used to go to. During a class break he heard them talk about how hard it had been to study for the upcoming test, and that’s what they used to do.

So Kageyama was not okay, because if they’d only drop extra practice with him he could chalk it up to them being tired, but when they had dropped their entire friendship it _hurt_. The ache he’d gotten to know so well during his entire life before started appearing again, the ache of loneliness. But he could blame no one but himself.

He really didn’t know what to do. They didn’t want anything to do with him, whenever he tried to talk to them they looked disinterested and like they wanted to leave the conversation. He had even stooped as low as trying to smile at them, and that made them look vaguely _disgusted_.

He wished he’d never said anything. He wished he had made them believe they were the best even if they weren’t. It was better than being lonely. He wished he’d never learnt to talk. Ever. He wished that when his parents noticed his lack of trying and subsequent diagnosis, they had just sent him away to some home in the forest that he could run away from and die and never be found and never be missed and and _and and…_

Kageyama was not okay.

-

This is a list over things Kageyama Tobio hates, in increasing order.

      1. Spoiled milk
      2. Anxiety
      3. Incompetence



He really, really hated incompetence. He may seem arrogant because of that, but nothing pissed him off more than when someone who was supposed to know what they were doing had no clue what they were doing. It pissed him off even more when he put so much time into being the best at what he did, and other people didn’t even try.

Now that him and Kindaichi and Kunimi officially weren’t friends anymore, he could be more open about his disdain for their utter apathy towards the sport, and their incompetence relative to what they should know. If that made them hate him, then so be it, because he didn’t care. He couldn’t care. They wouldn’t be the first. They weren’t the first that hated him.

So he trained, to the point where the coach had to pull him aside and warn him about not over extorting himself.

He was on a break – one he didn’t need, according to himself – when he overheard the two of them talking. He had gone outside to fill his water bottle, but stopped in his tracks when he heard their voices.  
“… He’s turned into a monster. I hate him,” Kunimi said. He heard Kindaichi scoffed.  
“King of the court? Yeah, right,” Kunimi laughed.  
“I mean, kings are often tyrant, so it’s not too far off. Too bad he doesn’t have his knights anymore, huh?”

He didn’t want to hear anymore. He slipped inside again, went to the coach and said that he felt sick. It was true, at least. He felt like he was going to puke any second. The coach looked at him, and seemingly came to the conclusion that Kageyama really was sick.  
“Go home and rest, Kageyama-kun,” Kageyama nodded, and went to get his things so that he could go home.

It was stupid that his affected him so much. It was all his doing.

_I deserve it_

-

 _Supersetter7:_ Everything is bad.  
_sugar cube:_???  
_Suppersetter7:_ Sorry. Nevermind.

[DELETE MESSAGE: Are you sure you want to delete this message?  
_Supersetter7: Everything is bad._  
Cancel                                 Delete]


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for all mistakes, i dont like verbs.  
> bukknebb.tumblr.com
> 
> so i had to reupload this chapter because for some reason almost the entire chapter apart for like the two first paragraphs got removed. not rly sure how it happened but..... it did? and i didn't want anyone who read the two paragraphs to miss out on the entir chapter so?? hsjks!?

It was like something switched within the team. It was like they had all made a groupchat with everybody except for Kageyama, where they had agreed to be cold and _mean_ to him. Actually, that wouldn’t be too farfetched.

Whenever he did something wrong in practice, he heard scattered snickers and mumbles about how ‘ _even kings can’t be perfect’_. No one talked to him outside of the strictly necessary, and even then it seemed like they tried their best to limit that as well.

It was dumb. He felt dumb, because when he got home after practice he really struggled to not shed any tears, to not cry.

He’d survived fifteen years without friends before meeting Kindaichi and Kunimi, he’d survived being lonely before. He could survive being lonely a little more.

It was a bold faced lie. He knew that. He wiped away the tears on his cheek and stared at the room in front of him. His two… _Friends_ had left their imprint on his bedroom. There was a poster of Kunimi’s favourite band on his wall. Kindaichi had forgotten one of his mangas. Everywhere he looked he saw _them_ and he couldn’t bear that.

He could do nothing to stop the tears from running. His biggest problem with this return to loneliness was that before he’d never had any friends. He had nothing to compare to, so being lonely was okay. He didn’t know anything else but loneliness. But now he had learned how it felt to have friends, how it felt to have people who liked you, and he had to ruin it.

He gasped for breath, and pushed the heels of his hands into his eyes, willing the tears to stop.

 _I deserve this,_ he repeated as a mantra.

-

The amount of time he spent talking with his internet friends saw a drastic increase. He spent especially much time talking to _orang birb_. Kageyama wasn’t that big a fan of his chatting style, but he was nice, if not a little bit overenthusiastic. Their conversations were kind off mundane. They talked about volleyball, Inu the cat (stupid name - good cat), school, food and manga. They never talked about personal stuff, and Kageyama liked it that way. He was wary of letting anyone close, of telling anyone anything about himself, because the last time he did he ended up hurt, and he wanted to avoid that. That was why no one in the chat knew him as anything else than _Supersetter7_ or _Setter-san_. But he talked to them, and he enjoyed it.

He was talking to _orang birb_ during a break between classes, a tiny smile on his face as he read the rant he’d been sent about how much he hated math, which quickly evolved into something else.

 _orang birb:_ LOOK AT WHAT MY LIL SISTER DID TO INU!!!! o(*´д`*)o  
_orang birb:_ [image]  
_orang birb:_ my poor little baby <////////3

“Hey, Kageyama. Who’re you talking to?”

He looked up at the one who’d talked. A classmate he never really had talked to. _Mizutani,_ his mind helpfully supplied. Kageyama narrowed his eyes suspiciously and locked his phone.

“Your girlfriend?” he said mockingly, and there were people behind him snickering. Kageyama felt like he was missing out on something. What was the punchline of the joke? Why were they laughing? Were they laughing at him?  
“No…” he started warily, “It’s my friend.”  
“Friend? _You_ have friends?” They were still snickering behind him. Right. They _were_ laughing at him, and he was the punchline, somehow. “You know, I talked to Kunimi and Kindaichi. Cool guys. They told me some interesting things about you, _king_.”

Oh. Okay.

He pressed his lips to a thin line. He repressed the urge to shove his pencil into his eye. He repressed the urge to bang his head against the desk until his brain splattered out. He repressed the urge to get up and jump out of the window.

He was vaguely aware of Mizutani continuing to talk to him, but he has zoned out, busy with concentrating on not doing something exceedingly stupid and impulsive.

News do spread fast.

He had never been more thankful for the bell when it rung and stopped the one-way conversation.

-

 _big cat:_ yall know what time its!!??  
_orang birb:_ what!  
_big cat:_ self doxx time 8)))  
_big cat:_ [image]  
_big cat:_ @Sawamura looks absolutely delighted to be in the presence of a god (me)  
_Sawamura:_ At least post Suga too  
_big cat:_ right of course  
_big cat:_ [image]  
_Sawamura:_ Stunning <3  
_sugar cube:_ :D  
_big cat:_ gross  
_Supersetter7:_ Why are you guys together?  
_big cat:_ we go to uni in the same city so we met up  
_orang birb:_ [image]  
_orang birb:_ im just alone with my ramen atm : ((((((((((((

Kageyama looked at the picture of _orang birb_. He certainly lived up to his name, with his orange hair. But he was so… Handsome? Pretty? Cute? His hair was wild and stood to all sides. His jokingly pouting mouth was accompanied by a pair of big, brown eyes. And the ramen he was alone with looked… Fine..? It was just ramen. It didn’t look particularly alluring.

He had never experienced his brain short-circuiting because he saw someone so beautiful that his brain just showed him an internal 404 Error-screen. He had been attracted to Iwaizumi, yes, but that had been gradual. This? This was like Cupid creeping up on him and backstabbing him suddenly with a love dagger. Okay. He wasn’t in love. That was a bad analogy. But there was no doubt, _orang birb_ was wildly attractive.

 _orang birb:_ @Supersetter7 how do u look!!! i bet ur handsome  
_sugar cube:_ don’t pressure him!  
_Supersetter7:_ I don’t have any pictures of myself.   
_Supersetter7:_ And no, I’m not that handsome.  
_orang birb:_ u dont have ANY pics of urself????  
_orang birb:_ not even selfies???  
_Supersetter7:_ I don’t know how to take them.  
_sugar cube:_ …  
_orang birb:_ u flip the camera on ur camera app…….?  
_Supersetter7:_ I don’t know how you do that.  
_Sawamura:_ [image]  
_Sawamura:_ @big cat thinks this is hilarious __  
  


-

This is a list of the things that kept Kageyama Tobio from drowning post Destruction of Friendship, in no particular order.

  1. His parents
  2. Volleyball
  3. The groupchat **VOLLEYBALLERS** **🇯🇵🇯🇵🇯🇵🇯🇵**



Even though the team had decided that he was an asshole, he couldn’t bring himself to deliberately act like an asshole. That didn’t mean he was particularly nice, though. It wasn’t really intentional, but it was getting harder for him to hold back on his true potential on the court and for him to hold back the phrases that would slip out when something wasn’t up to his standard. A snarky _‘faster’_ when his toss was missed and a harsh ‘ _don’t miss it’_ when someone didn’t receive his serve. It wasn’t his intention for it to always come out so harshly, it just… Did. He had always struggled with it. His impulse control was bad. When he was a kid it was even worse, which might have been a factor in his constant unpopularity. It probably was.

The team didn’t like it when he lashed out at them, but they kept it to themselves. Kind off. They wouldn’t shut up about it if they noticed him overhearing, but they’d never start talking about it with him in the immediate vicinity.

To no one’s surprise, they lost at Spring High to Shiratorizawa.

Kageyama took it surprisingly well. Of course he was sad, but there’s always next year, and that’s a year to and that means another year of practicing and honing of skill. He thought they had the potential for a victory.

The end of Spirng High meant one thing, though, and that was spring vacation. Once again he was bitterly reminded of his friendlessness. He refused to call it loneliness, because he was _not_ lonely. Just friendless. His parents promised they’d take a trip to Hokkaido, to visit his grandparents, but… It really wasn’t the same as hanging out and practicing with friends, like last year’s vacation. Besides, there wasn’t a lot of opportunities to practice volleyball at his grandparents’ house.

He’d have to do the best out of it.

-

The new school year brought nothing exciting. Except for a tan, that was kind of cool.

The dynamic between him and the team hadn’t really changed, Kindaichi and Kunimi still didn’t want to be friends and he was still the best player and starting setter.

He had to remind himself that it was just one year left, and then he could move to Brazil if he wanted to. Not that he wanted to. But he _could_ , that was the point.

He spent a lot of time practicing. After the rest of the team had gone away he would stay for hours and continue practicing his serves or tosses. He was well past the point of breaking Oikawa’s record in time stayed behind after practice. The difference was that Kageyama had no one that would stay with him and tell him to rest and be careful. Only when his mum called he’d reluctantly pack and clean up and go home.

He hadn’t told her about his fall out with Kindaichi and Kunimi – and the rest of the team, by extension – but she probably had it figured out. The way she’d speak to him softly, with eyes shining of empathy and a worried smile. The way she’d make food she knew he loved. The way she never, ever spoke of them or asked why they never came around anymore.

He sometimes thought that if his parents were to inform him that they were to relocate again, he’d have no qualms about it. He didn’t think anyone at Aoba Johsai would miss him, or even notice that he was gone.

-

As a contrast to the last two years, his third and final year at high school dragged itself slowly past. It never seemed to speed up.

He developed a weird and unhealthy coping mechanism in buying milk at the vending machine several times a day. It was not really unhealthy for him; milk is good for a young athlete that can easily devour a tonne of food in one sitting. It was unhealthy for his wallet. Even though the milk cartons were cheap one by one, buying several a day, five days in the week quickly became a lot of money. Kageyama considered this glumly as he drank a carton of milk at his desk during lunch break.

He was staring out of the window, not really looking at anyone or anything specific, just observing. He never ate at the quiet bench under the tree anymore. It reminded him too much of Kindaichi and Kunimi, and they probably still ate there. No matter how grating and loud the classroom became at lunch, he never left.

He didn’t dare.

-

They lost in the final match of Interhigh.

He felt more bitter about it than last time, because this was his last year and this was _serious_. So why couldn’t the rest of the team let everything go for just a tournament so that they could win?

He wanted to win so badly.

It was maybe a week after their loss. Kageyama stayed late practicing, serve after serve, until his hands were numb. He was bent over, hands on his knees, breathing hard and trying to compose himself. He distantly heard the sound of the gym door opening and closing, and he looked up at the door to see who it was.

“Oh, you’re still here,” Kindaichi said. Kageyama scrunched his brows in confusion. Of course he was, he was standing right in front of him.  
“Yes, I am..?” he said uncertainly, straightening up and looking at Kindaichi. “Why are you here? Now, I mean. It’s late, and… Yeah,” he finished lamely.  
“I could ask you the same thing,” Kindaichi huffed. He pointed to the gym bag that was left by the bench, “Forgot my bag. Good bye,” He turned to leave.  
“Kindaichi,” Kageyama called out, a hint of desperation in his voice. “I’m sorry.” Kindaichi scoffed and rolled his eyes, his posture stiffening.   
“Don’t apologize. Do you even know what you’re apologizing for?” he asked, annoyance in his voice clear as day.  
“Yes..?” he said hesitantly.  
“Don’t lie. You don’t know. There’s no need for you to apologize, you won’t get better and as far as I’m concerned our friendship was nothing but pity. If you can even call that being friends. Good night, Kageyama-kun,” he said and left with a _bang_ of the door.

Oh. Okay.

In a daze, he cleaned the gym and packed up all his things, turned off the lights and started walking home. It was faster to take the bus, but he needed some time alone to think. They had never been friends. He felt a cold lump in his chest that seeped into the rest of his body. It numbed him down.

Everything was cold, and all he wanted was to feel warm again.

-

 _Supersetter7:_ [link]  
_Supersetter7:_ Look at this cool play!!  
_orang birb:_ waoooaaaaaaaaaw!!!!!!!!!!!!  
_orang birb:_ I wanna do that!!  
_orang birb:_ @sugar cube next time u visit we should try that!!  
_sugar cube:_ very flattered, but that’s way past my skill level  
_Supersetter7:_ You know each other?  
_orang birb:_ suga is my super cool senpai  (❁´ω`❁)  
_Supersetter7:_ Aha. That makes sense.  
_Supersetter7:_ I don’t think I could do the play either.

-

He wasn’t sure how he managed, but suddenly Spring High was looming in front of him. There was only a week left until they’d set foot at the gymnasium the tournament was held. The only problem was the team.

If he thought the team dynamic was bad at the start of the year, it was four times as bad now. Not only could they barely keep up with his demands, that honestly were reasonable, they didn’t even try. They didn’t try to catch balls that could be caught, they didn’t try to jump high enough when he tossed.

He spent every team practice getting progressively more pissed off, and then having to get out his anger at the volleyball after practice instead of at one of his teammates dumb, incompetent, _idiotic_ _head._

It seemed as if they had given up at winning Spring High, but Kageyama refused to give up.

-

This is a list over Kageyama Tobio’s worst days, on a scale from 1 to 4, with 4 being the absolute worst.

  1. The first day someone picked on him because of his autism
  2. The day his parents told him they were moving
  3. The day Kindaichi said they had never been friends
  4. Today



He’d tossed, and no one was there.

When the bus arrived back at the school, he was the first one out, and he started hastily making his way away from everyone else. He made sure to take an unconventional route that didn’t cross any of his teammates’ route, because there was nothing else wanted than to be alone. Several of his teammates lived in the same area as him, and he didn’t want to face them, so he spent his time walking home in an intricate and complicated way.

He was glad his parents weren’t home.

They had said that they would watch it on a livestream, but he hoped to God that the livestream somehow failed, or that the internet at the hotel they were staying at failed. But then again, if there was a God, why would he even let his entire, pathetic life happen?

He went straight to bed when he came home, not even bothering to take of his clothes. That’s when he started to cry. He cried a lot, probably more than ever in his life. It was tiring, he felt as if even his bones were screaming out of exhaustion. He fell asleep at some point.

When his alarm woke him in the morning he just let it continue to ring. He would rather never play volleyball again than go to school. He was sure everyone knew of his spectacular failure, and even he didn’t want to communicate with people for at least the next ten years. The thought of people looking at him made his skin crawl. The thought of people acknowledging his existence as a human being and not an abstract concept made his gut clench. So he stayed in bed the entire day and let himself wallow in his depression.

He suppressed the urge to claw out his own eyes. He suppressed the urge to rip out his trachea. He suppressed the urge to put his hand in a blender. He suppressed the urge to dissolve his entire body in acid.

There were a lot of wants and urges he had to suppress.

This is a list of the things Kageyama Tobio wanted to do most, in increasing order.

  1. Die



He was unsure about how long he laid in his bed, but at some point he found his phone. He had one text message from his mum. It probably read something about how everything would be fine. It wouldn’t. He didn’t even bother reading it.   
He had no other notifications, apart from a notification from his private chat with _orang birb_.

 _orang birb:_ just got back from spring high. we lost. it sucks a lot.   
_orang birb:_ b u t maybe my uni team will be suuuuuper good!!!!!!!  
_orang birb:_ hello!!! omg!!! i stayed around for some while and watched some matches… and! there was a guy who has L I T E R A L L Y abandoned by his team

When he read the last message, he rocketed out of the bed and sprinted to the bathroom, just in time. He felt the cool porcelain against his skin as he dry heaved into the toilet. He hadn’t eaten anything for at least… He didn’t know. Many, many hours. It just made it worse. The thought of _orang birb_ witnessing the utter devastation of his entire soul made him dry heave again. Something about the person closest to a friend knowing about this made the entire thing worse. At least he didn’t know that Kageyama Tobio, the person who had been abandoned by his team, and _supersetter7_ was the same person.

He laid by the toilet for some while, before returning to his bed. He reread the messages, and slowly he wrote a reply.

 _supersetter7:_ That’s bad

The reply was almost instant.

 _orang birb:_ it is!!  
_orang birb:_ i feel kinda bad for him, but apparently hes a dick???  
_orang birb:_ one of my teammates know some of the guys on his team, and he says that hes called king of the court because hes egocentric and rude and controlling  
_orang birb:_ but idk i dont know him

Except he did. He knew him very well.

 _supersetter7:_ I have to go to bed.  
_orang birb:_ its the middle of the day (´･ω･`)????????  
_orang birb:_ arnt u at school??!! did u lose too!!?? : ((  
_supersetter7:_ Good night.

Kageyama turned off his phone, and pulled his duvet over himself. He stayed at home for days, mostly in his bed. He refused to go to school, and especially volleyball. He slept, contemplated his life, barely ate. He stayed at home for a week, until his parents came home.

When his mum opened the door to the sight of her son wasting away in the bed, she sighed and went over to his bed to stroke his hair.   
“My little baby boy,” she cooed. He sat up and enveloped her in a hug, and started crying. At first it was just silent tears, but it quickly evolved into hiccups and sobs and shaking.  
“Ohh, Tobio, my sweet Tobio.” She combed her fingers through his hair and rocked him gently from side to side. They stayed like that for a while, before she pulled back and looked at her son. “Have you eaten good while we were gone?” Kageyama shook his head. He didn’t even understand why she asked, the answer was obvious. “Hmm… Do you want pork curry?” He nodded meekly.  
“With an egg on top?” he asked hopefully. His mother chuckled, and stroked his chin gently.  
“Of course, Tobio.”

-

 _Supersetter7:_ Hello, can you please send some pictures of Inu the cat?

-

He pressed his fingers to his thumb, one after one, over and over. Index. Middle. Ring. Little. Repeat. It helped him focus on something else. He repeated it in his head, never out loud. It helped him stay calm, and right now his mind was like a stormy sea. It was hard to keep calm. But pressing his fingers to his thumb, one after one, helped. _Maybe I should start seeing a therapist again,_ he thought numbly.

He was on his way to school for the first time in a week. He really didn’t want to. He’d rather be swallowed whole by the earth and left to rot in the core of the earth. He’d rather be sent up to the moon without proper oxygen tanks.

The instant his teacher saw him, she sent him to the vice-principal’s office. He supposed it was fair. After all, he had missed an entire week of school with no notice.

This is a list over fabric types Kageyama Tobio hated the most, in no particular order

  1. Crape
  2. Silk
  3. Organza
  4. Fake leather



As fate hated him, the chairs in the vice-principal’s office were fake leather. As he sat in the fake leather chair, he pressed his fingers against the thumb faster.

“Kageyama-kun. You have missed one week of school, with no notice from either of your parents,” the vice-principal said, folding his hands on the desk.  
“They were away at a work conference,” Kageyama answered simply. At this, the vice-principal raised his brow slightly.   
“They left you alone at home for a week?”  
“Two, actually. It doesn’t happen often,” The vice-principal nodded slowly, his brows raised.  
“Does your absence have anything to do with the Spring High and the events that happened there?”   
“I suppose so,” he stated calmly. It had everything to do with it. He looked out of the window. It was a nice day.   
“Kageyama-kun, I hope you understand that we take absence very seriously, especially…”  
“Do I get an absence note if I’m dead?” he interrupted absently, not really registering what he had said. Damn his horrible impulse control. The vice-principal stared at him, surprised.   
“I… Do you want to die, Kageyama-kun?” he asks uncertainly  
“Sorry. It was a joke.”  
“You shouldn’t joke about such serious matters. I will have to talk to your parents about this,”  
Kageyama sighed. He didn’t care. It was nothing new, anyway. His parents getting call because of their son’s dumb behavior was nothing new. “Can I go now?”   
The vice principal looked at him, and nodded. “Just… Don’t skip class anymore. I know what happened was unfortunate, but it’s not much left of the year and you can focus on your exams. Try to get into a good school and all.”  
Kageyama got up to leave. He knew that he really had to up his focus on academics. He had started studying more when his third year started, even though he had little time. And now that all the scouts had seen what a failure he was, he was very sure he wouldn’t be scouted to any schools with good volleyball programs. So he just had to do really well on his exams. Easier said than done.

The rest of the day passed in a daze.

He was aware of news spreading scarily fast in a high school, so almost the entire student body knew about what he had dubbed The Event in his mind. He felt their eyes on him, it made his skin crawl and his chest tighten. When school was over he went to the administration to quit on the team, officially. It was just a formality; it was obvious that he was quitting. The coach looked at him, lips pressed into a thing line.

On his walk home he pressed his fingers into the meat of his hand, leaving crescent marks on it.

-

Even though Kageyama didn’t want to play volleyball with the team, he refused to turn into a slob. So he went on runs. Long runs, since he had more free time than before. Whenever he wasn’t studying, he was running.

It was a grey day with clouds rolling over the sky. He had stopped on the bridge over the river. He looked down at the river, mesmerized by the small whirlpools that formed and then disappeared. He wondered if anyone would find him if he jumped from the bridge.

“Kageyama!”

He whipped around and stood face to face with… Iwaizumi?

“Iwaizumi-senpai,” he said plainly.  
“Hey,” Iwaizumi greeted.  
“What are you doing here? In Miyagi, I mean.”  
“I’m just visiting my parents. How are things?” Iwaizumi asked, smiling slightly. “Out for a run?”  
“They’re… Good,” he lied “Yeah. Just running.”  
Iwaizumi didn’t look like he believed him, and Kageyama understood that. He would know about The Event by now, and he had probably drawn conclusions based on what went down during The Event.  
He turned away from Iwaizumi, climbed up on the railing on the bridge and dropped. The wind was whipping him in the face, he was probably screaming, he was quickly getting closer to the water surface, and he wanted to be crushed against the water and buried in the river mud and -

“-eyama?”

Kageyama blinked hard, and looked at Iwaizumi. He was back in reality, the reality in which he was situated on the bridge, in front of Iwaizumi, alive, and not under the bridge, dead. “I’m sorry. I zoned out. What did you say?”  
“Would you like to go get some ramen? Catch up some? My treat,” Iwaizumi said. Kageyama looked surprised at him, but nodded. “Yeah. Thanks, Iwaizumi-senpai.”

They headed to a small ramen shop, the one Iwaizumi and Oikawa always went to in high school, he was told. After ordering and getting their food, they spent some time eating in silence, before Iwaizumi broke the silence.  
“What happened at that match, Kageyama?” Kageyama stopped eating, and looked at him for some time, considering what to say.  
“The team abandoned me,” he stated, “They were tired of me bossing them around. They had all right to.”  
“You still play with them?”  
A long pause. Kageyama shook his head.  
“I may be stupid, but I know how to notice when people don’t want me there.”  
Iwaizumi sighed. “Look, Kageyama. You’re a good guy. You shouldn’t give up just because of this…”  
“Yeah, but it isn’t ‘just because of this’,” Kageyama interrupted “This is how my entire life has been. Lonely. I completely understand why Kunimi and Kindaichi got tired of me, but they didn't have to spread it to the rest of the team and make them turn on me to. I never meant for it to sound so mean, but controlling my tone can be difficult for me,”   
He paused, and considered what to say next. He’d never talked about this with anyone, he’d never put words on everything he had done and felt.   
“I had never had friends before Kindaichi and Kunimi. Being social and things like that aren’t easy for me, they don’t come naturally. I know this. I won’t get hurt when people are honest with me, because that’s the only way I’ll improve. I think I just… Wanted them to not give up on me and tell me to stop being a dick.” He stopped and looked apologetically at Iwaizumi. “I’m sorry. I didn't mean to dump it on you."  
“No, don’t apologize! It’s good that you’re talking about your feelings so openly.” Iwaizumi smiled, even though he’d just been yelled at. Kageyama silently resumed eating. They were silent for a while, before Kageyama spoke up again.  
“I knew they were calling me _king_ and _tyrant_ ,” he started, not daring to look up from the noodles swimming around in the broth. There weren’t a lot left. It looked kind of sad.   
“Kindaichi and Kunimi started calling me that as a joke. An inside joke, I mean. And since I was in on it, I found it funny. But then we started hanging out less, and it spread to the rest of the team. But to them it wasn’t an inside joke, it was just… Mocking me. I mean, I deserved it, but it still hurt. The rest of the team spread it to the school, and suddenly everyone knew that I was ‘the egocentric king’ who didn’t care about anyone, and who had anger issues and was dumb. No one talked to me, and refused to do group projects with me, and they would joke about me not having friends,”   
His foot was jiggling under the table, his fingers refused to stay still. He pressed them to his thumb, over and over and over.   
“I don’t know. I just… I wanted to be the best, and it made me frustrated when no one made the effort to try to win. If I knew then what I know now I think I would have done things differently. I don’t know. I don’t know. I just… Wish I was normal.”

He looked up at Iwaizumi, who had a serious look on his face, mixed with… Pity. God, how he hated pity. Iwaizumi reached over the table to take his hand, put Kageyama quickly pulled it away. “Sorry,” he said. Iwaizumi nodded in understanding, but continued to hold his hand there in what seemed like an open invitation to take it.

“You didn’t deserve that, Kageyama. I know it’s easy for you to say, but even how shitty you were doesn’t justify the entire school disliking you.” He paused, seemingly thinking about something. “Kageyama.”  
“Yeah?”  
“Why were you at the bridge today?” he asked carefully. Kageyama furrowed his brow in confusion.  
“I was out for a run..?” he answered, not really sure why or what Iwaizumi was asking. Another pause. Iwaizumi seemed to weigh his next words carefully.  
“Kageyama… Tobio. Have you ever tried to commit suicide?”

Wait, what?

Kageyama’s eyes widened as he looked dumbly at his former senpai. He shook his head no. That look Iwaizumi always made when he was doubting someone crossed his face. It was the same look he had had when Oikawa had claimed his knee was fine, or when one of the guys on the team said they weren’t hungry after a grueling match.

“I… No. I’ve never tried.”  
“But you have thought of it?” Iwaizumi countered.  
“Yes. But I don’t… Have anything planned."  
Iwaizumi nodded. Kageyama really didn’t like the turn of this conversation. He hated talking about his feelings, and even though he genuinely enjoyed Iwaizumi’s calm presence he didn’t want to continue down this conversational road.  
“I think you should know that I wanna be here for you, Kageyama. Just call me, I won’t get mad or anything.” Kageyama nodded and murmured an affirmative.  
“Now. How do you feel about the Toray Arrows-game yesterday? Lousy blocking,” Iwaizumi said, and Kageyama relaxed visibly at the change of topic and launched into the conversation about something comfortable.

-

There was a letter in his mailbox, addressed to Kageyama Tobio.

The sender was Chuo University.

Kageyama took it inside, put it on the kitchen table and stared at it. Its presence haunted him. He had worked so, so, so hard to pass the entrance exam. He didn’t know what to do if he wasn’t accepted. He’d applied to other universities, of course, but he really wanted to go to Chuo. If he wasn’t accepted, he would probably cry.

He should wait for his parents to get home.

He got some milk from the fridge, sat down by the table and pulled out his phone.

 _Supersetter7:_ My university admission letter arrived.  
_Supersetter7:_ I don’t want to admit it, but I’m nervous.  
_sugar cube:_ ooooh, what degree did you apply for?  
_orang birb:_ he, he, he…. setter-san is nervous : pppppp  
_Supersetter7:_ Sports therapy.   
_Supersetter7:_ Also, shut up, dumbass!!  
_orang birb:_ :000c wooah TWO exclamation points!!!! Someones angry  
_orang birb:_ im just messing with ya <3333333  
_sugar cube:_ don’t fight!  
_Supersetter7:_ Moron.  
_Supersetter7:_ Sorry, Suga. Not you.

He looked up from his phone as he heard the entrance door open.   
“Mom?” he yelled in the general direction of the door. His mom entered the room with a few shopping bags in her hands. “Hey. When does dad get home?”  
“Hey, Tobio. In an hour or so. Why?” she said as she placed the bags on the kitchen counter. He nodded towards the envelope on the kitchen table. “Ah,” she cooed understandingly, “This calls for pork curry, doesn’t it?”  
“But what if don’t get in? We don’t have anything to celebrate then.”  
“Then it’s a comfort meal!” she beamed, unpacking the bags and sorting out the ingredients needed for pork curry. That made sense. He looked down at his phone again, reading over the messages sent.

 _sugar cube:_ i remember when i got my admission letter. i went over to @sawamura nd we read the together <22  
_sugar cube:_ <33*  
_big cat:_ disgustingly sweet, but ok  
_Sawamura:_ <3  
_sugar cube:_ <3 <3 <3  
_orang birb:_ S T O P  
_orang birb:_ this is like watching my PARENTS flirt!!!! ugh eww!!!

He read as the conversation unfolded with a small smile on his feature. He exited the app to send a message to his dad, inquiring about when he would get home. He answered the same as his mother, in about an hour or so. Ugh. He couldn’t bear the waiting. He groaned and let his head fall on the table.  
“Mum, can’t I help you make dinner?” His mother chuckled, and looked at him with a kind smile.   
“Of course you can. Help me cut some vegetables, okay?” He got up to help her. Anything to help the time pass faster.

When dinner was almost finished, he heard the door open and his father’s greeting.   
“Dad!” he yelled out, to a mild scolding from his mother.   
“Hello,” he said as he entered the kitchen, and went to the stove to press a kiss to his wife’s cheek. “You’re strangely enthusiastic about my return home today, Tobio.”  
“Yeah. I got a letter from Chuo today,” he explained. “I wanted to wait until you came home to read it.” Kageyama was fully aware of how sweetly sentimental it was, and very unlike him. He went to the kitchen table to get the letter and walked back to the kitchen bench to stand opposite to his parents. He opened the letter and started reading. His face fell.  
“Oh, Tobio. It’s okay if you didn’t get in, we still love you, and…” his mother started. Tobio quickly looked up with a giant grin at his face and interrupted her, “I got in,” he declared. He was giddy. Happy. For the first time in a long time he was genuinely happy. “Oh my god, I got in! Look!” He shoved the letter at his parents, who took it and read it with a smile. He got his phone from his pocket and unlocked it.

 _Supersetter7:_ I GOT ACCEPTED!  
_Supersetter7:_!!!!!!!!  
_sugar cube:_ congratulations :D   
_orang birb:_ UAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
_Sawamura:_ I am glad to hear so. Congratulations.  
_Supersetter7:_ And my mum made my favourite food!  
_Supersetter7:_ This is a good day!

-

He graduated high school without much fanfare.

There were no buttons in his lockers, no last minute confessions and no graduation parties. After the ceremony he went home and had dinner with his parents and that was it. He was just glad to put that chapter behind him. He was moving on to bigger and better things anyway.

His father had a sister in Tokyo, who conveniently owned an apartment block close enough to Chuo, and she agreed to let him rent there. His parents would pay his tuition and part of his rent and otherwise he’d have to manage himself.

Under any normal circumstances the prospect of a change as great as moving to another city by himself would have him in a Bottomless Pit of Despair for at least three weeks. That’s not to say the prospect didn’t scare him. It was scary, but his hate for this town and almost everyone who lived was greater than his hate for change. He never thought he would find something he could hate more than change. Life could be surprising like that.

He spent his spring vacation moving into his new apartment. It was kind of small and cramped with questionable wallpaper choices, but it was his and his alone. He’d have to get a job so he could buy more stuff to put in it, because right now it was sort of sad and empty. His parents had helped buy the bigger furniture pieces, like his bed among others, but it was glaringly empty otherwise.

It would probably turn out okay.

-

He had spoken too soon. It would not turn out okay.

As soon as it was possible he had signed up for volleyball team tryouts. He noted the day and set up many more alarms than strictly necessary so that he wouldn’t oversleep on what was the most important day of his life. He got there half an hour before he was supposed to, and started warming up. They would probably warm up together later, but it was better to be too warm than too cold. Besides, he had nothing else to do.

People started filling in, some of them members who were joking with each other, some of them nervous first years like him. The one thing that made him stop in his tracks was the sight of a face he knew he’d seen before. He wasn’t great at remembering faces, but after a short amount of time his brain connected. That was _big cat_. With his weird bed hair and wicked smile. He went to Chuo? He had to be good at volleyball then. When _big cat_ looked at him, he quickly averted his eyes. Jeez, he had to have a name, right? He hated referring to him as _big cat_. He wasn’t even a cat! He jogged over to where he kept his bag, and as if the day couldn’t get worse there was another familiar face. Or hair. It was the hair he recognized. Because it wasn’t enough that one person from the god damn groupchat was on his team, there had to be two.

 _Orang birb_ was trying out for this team.

-

 _orang birb:_ omg!!! u remember that guy i told u abt??  
_orang birb:_ the one who got abandond by his team  
_orang birb:_ HES ON MY TEAM!!!  
_orang birb:_ i hope hes not as mean as ppl say he is…. n as he looks  
_orang birb:_ oh yeah and i got on the team 8 )))


End file.
